I’m walking down the sidewalk with my legs crossed tight
And my eyes crossed tightly as well
My bladder is bloated and it’s fixin’ to blow
And I’m sweating like a snowball in hell
I walk into a shop and I head for the can
But just as I get to the door,
Along comes a man and he dangles a key and says
"You got’ta be a customer"

I ain’t got a single solitary cent to my name
and I can see I’m gonna fail
The litmus test of this dirty game of retail sale blackmail
So I grab the key and I make a break
but just as I reach for the knob
A policeman appears and he says, "ur’in trouble"
And he cuffs me right there on the spot

If I had a million dollars I would trade them for a piss
Nothing else could give to me a greater sense of bliss
The waves that crash upon the shore,
The waterfalls that flow
Must play second fiddle to a puddle full of piddle
Cuz a leakin’s all I’m seekin’ when I really… got’ta go

I’m ridin’ in the back of the police car and the ride is getting’ rough
The rain is falling down upon the roof of the car, and the officer is looking gruff
The station is still a couple miles away and my kidneys are already blue
Ad I’m sure there’s gotta be a bunch of laws against the thing I’m gonna’ have to do